Letter to the Persons That I Want to Tell Everything To

Dear Neighbors and Friends,

Recently there is a war of words between two women most of us know.  I am so tempted to join in, to referee, to shed light, to admonish, to advise, etc.  Nobody asked me to,  nobody asked my opinion, so why join the fracas and take side.  And, as always there are different sides to the problem. An older wife who is cancer-stricken is spreading news about a scandalous affair between her husband and her young friend, and the young friend is retaliating  by telling her friends online that the older wife/friend's soul is burning in hell  even while she's alive for spreading nasty lies about her.

 Image from http://artfreebiesarchives.blogspot.com/2010/07/women.html 

I think this is how the whole thing started:
Older woman, let's call her A,  and young wife, let's call her E,  are neighbors like most of us are - neighbors and friends.  Older woman A had recuperated from cancer and was happy that she survived.   Alas, she learned that a good friend and neighbor, E,  flirts with her live-in partner R, non-stop.  She got upset and her cancer cells became active again and this time, more vicious and had spread to her brains too.  Three doctors gave her an approximate life span of one more month!  She's dying, OMG.  To get back to E, A revealed to everyone the alleged affair of her friend E and her live-in partner R.  Everyone is so sympathetic with A and now looks at E in a different light.  E is young, pretty and dresses sexy!  She makes 'meaningful' eye contact a lot - to young and old, to neighbors, to friends, to strangers - in fact to every man she meets - in a bar, in restaurant, inside the bus, jeepneys, department stores, etc.  In her own words, she was testing if they still had  'asim'  (if they would respond to her flirty moves)  and she found it cute that these men responded  to her ummm,....charm.  She may deny this and may say that she's just being her natural vivacious self.  Also, some people see her all dressed up, wear overpowering perfume,  and went out by herself  when her husband, S,  was out of the country.

Whether A's accusations are true or not, we can not verify, for who knows what happens inside closed doors of our neighbors and friends.  We tend to judge appearances and actions.  We see a young wife making googoo eyes with another man and we ask ourselves why she's behaving like an unmarried young woman;  and why she's hitting on our husband, our boyfriend, other neighbors, even strangers.   We see a young wife online (chatting in cyberspace) almost every night until dawn and we wonder what's the husband's take on this.
Do we learn a lesson or two from this scenario?  Why not.

1.  Wives, be faithful to your husbands.  Being faithful not only means not going to bed with another man.  It also means not fantasizing to be with another man, not sending love letters or exchanging romantic texts messages with another man, or not chatting and having an online boyfriend!.

2.  Wives, flirt (must you?) with discrimination, and discreetly.  If you are unhappy with your marriage or if you think that you have yet to meet your Mr. Right (obviously you don't think your husband is the Mr. Right), don't look for Mr. Right in your neighborhood,  or don't hit on your friends' husbands or partners, ewwww.

3. Husband, love your wife.  Loving not only means making love to her, it also means putting her in her place - becoming a real wife to you.   Discourage her from  flirting with every man in the neighborhood and to every male she meets everywhere you go.  Don't allow her to drift away from you by condoning her to look for male  'friends' online.  You know who her old male friends (classmates and town mates)  and newly found 'online friends', do you?   

4.  Let's be kind to each other.  We should not tell anyone who is being treated with chemotherapy that she's already burning in hell.  Instead let's pray for her fast and complete recovery.

Postscript:
Older woman A died after 2 years, survived by her four young children from her ex husband (not from R, the live-in partner).  A year before that, her live-in partner R left her. He could not afford her chemotherapy and medicines, he reasoned.  He left the neighborhood.  When A was dying, her children contacted live-in partner R who did his best to help financially, which was not much.  He did not visit her at all when she was dying, and even after her death, did not visit her family, her grave, etc.   Young wife E was unrepentant and continues to live like a "celebrity", announcing regularly in social media how she loves her hubby.  

What To Do While Your Man is Flirting.

Some men are so callous, or maybe they are sensitive in all other ways but they just could not help themselves, they flirt with other women while you’re with them. Flirting sometimes could do everyone good, like the feel good and harmless flirting, as in giving compliments, etc. Flirting, which is my topic now is of the other kind - the malicious one, done in "secrecy" and sometimes with the hope of a follow-up and consummation. My man, meaning my husband, in fairness, does not initiate the flirting. I mean he will stare at some booties or blatantly exposed flesh, or would smile and get interested at flirty quips, but he does not initiate or will not pursue the case down to a motel or any bedroom or comfort room, etc. He would “covertly” smile or steal a glance at the bitch. Of course nothing escapes to a wife like me. So what do you to do while the flirtation between the bitch and your man is going on?

1. Establish your presence with your man. I mean don’t pretend you’re just one of the furniture wherever this happens. I used to do that out of sheer disgust, but it’s self-defeating. I get so mad after wards and I vent on him, like throw plates, glasses or cell phone. That’s one way to drive your man away and that gives him enough reason to go back to the bitch. So while they pretend that they are the only two people in the room, making googoo eyes at each other, reestablish your presence, like talk about his favorite subject, be it himself, his work, or your neighbor or even talk about how the bitch has lovely smile (shit!).

2. See to it that the bitch knows that you know what is going on. The thrill of their encounter is the “secrecy” or something sweet between just the two of them. Make eye contact with the bitch, even smile at her, hoping your smile will disarm her and think that you’re too nice to be cuckolded and in your presence too.

3. Remain pleasant and worldly throughout the whole thing. You want your man to remember how sophisticated and funny you are. Tell jokes, make fun of anything, even yourself. Don’t make fun of the bitch though, as this will make her bitter and be vindictive, or this will make your man sympathize with her.

4. Before you leave the place, tell your man how many times he stole glances or smile or wink (whatever fooleries he made) to the bitch just so he knows you’re not fooled. For instance I tell my husband “that’s a dirty dozen now”, referring to the number of time he made googoo eyes with the bitch, or say, "Hmmn, you made it to the baker’s dozen”. Sometimes he will deny or pretend he does not know what you’re talking about but this will make him realize that you’re nobody’s fool. It took my husband three years to finally admit his googoo eyes and actually laugh about it with me. He says now (albeit facetiously) I am a wizard!

These episodes are so infuriating to us girlfriends and wives but men are animals or unthinking children so we have to either suffer, ignore, make a joke of it or get even. I am not a vindictive person, and I don't like to flirt with another man (makes it more complicated!) just to get even.



In the first place, maybe we could avoid the situation at all. Remember -
when you are in the bar or in any other social places, and there are always bold, dirty and flirty women, be sure to make eye contact with the bitch, and watch her moves every time she makes contact with your husband. Recently I realized this happened when the bitch of a waitress placed our orders on the table. While I was busy checking out our orders, the bitch made eye contact, and smiled flirtatiously with my husband and made the "intimate connection". After that, they looked at each other across the room like they were secret lovers. The waitress saw to it that she passed our table while she was getting orders or serving food, and sometimes even nudged my husband's arm or shoulder while she passed. Avoid that by looking at her moves casually, even smile at her. Unless she is truly a hardened bitch, she will be a little shy. There are callous bitches, actually. I remember going inside a bar and a waitress took fancy of my husband. She is not a dancer, she’s just a f*****g waitress but she started dancing in front and around my husband. Other girls laughed, reminded her “you’re silly, the guy’s with his wife, you gain nothing by that”. She insisted on showing her sexy dance moves though, even told me, “your husband is so cute, Ate (Ate means big sister in Tagalog)”. Hayyyy. How do you handle this?